Sunday, April 12, 2009

Mixed Emotions

Let me tell you, its been a long seven months. Seven months of illness with the kids, two surgeries (one for Hannah and one for Noah), countless sleepless nights sitting up holding a sick baby. Seven months of trying to be supermom (which I didn't do so well at)...working full time and coming home to try and be mommy and daddy is not the easiest thing in the world. I have missed Michael terribly. And yes, I am excited about him coming home, but I don't feel as though I am as excited as I should be. I am scared. Things were not great when he left. They weren't even good or fair. Things had gotten really bad. There was so much going on and the easy answer would have been to turn and walk away from it all. In fact, Michael told me that he didn't think I would still be here when he returned home. We have spent many nights praying over the situation and we have both made new decisions. Committing to make our marraige better. I have faith that God can fix our broken realationship and I believe that he is already working on that. But I am so scared. The doubts come in, what if things aren't different. What if it goes back to just like it was. Then on top of that, I have been having to do everything for seven months, now I must let go of the reigns and allow him to have his role in the house hold and I really think that is going to be hard. I am praying that things go smoothly upon his return and clinging to God in all of this.

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