January 17, 2009

I just finished reading An Unquiet Mind which is a very will written book on manic-depressive illness or bipolar. Really brought some things to my attention. Talking about paranoia being a big symptom, and I have been so paranoid lately. Questioning if a good friend is upset with me, for no aparent reason other than that I am paranoid. Thinking that the doctor that i work with is unhappy with me when she hasn't given me any signs that she is, i'm just overly paranoid. along with a few other things this points toward a depressive episode. but on an almost daily occurance i have been experiencing the increased energy and racing thoughts and distractablity of a hypomanic if not mainc episode. this has been going on for weeks, sounds almost like a mixed episode altought it has not had signifgant ability to affect by ability to function at work or home (unless you count my house which is a disaster) and i haven't need to be hospitalized which is the DSM-IV criteria for a mixed episode. i don't understand the place that i am in now. i want to be better, i want to come out on the other side, and i am trying but the Lamictal takes so long to get in my system, maybe i should have taken up Dr. D on his offer of giving me some serequel to get through this time of in betweeness maybe i will give him a call.